Swinging

It is night and it is cold. We are inside making bracelets when one of us says we should go outside and swing. This is a great idea. We open the screen door that separates us from the cold and step onto the concrete. Our feet are scared but we make it to the grass where it is a little bit warmer but not much and sit on the swings. One for each of us. Three of us. Sophie and Eva and Sara Elizabeth.

 It is quiet for a little while because we have already talked too much. We put some music on the bluetooth speaker that has worked well for a long time and still does. It works this time too. We throw it on the grass because it is too cold to hold. We are swinging very high. Sophie tells us to slow down because these are very old and can break just like our bones. We slow down for a little bit but then we disobey her and start swinging high again. We do not care if our bones break yet. 

Remember the one time…says one of us. I don’t remember who. We talk about the one time which leads to the other times where one thing happened. It feels like we are writing a book out loud but no one is there to write it down. Eventually we run out of the times where one thing happened. I feel sad because I don’t have as many as the others but I don’t say anything. No one says anything. I don’t know why but we are all scared to talk. I’m confused so I say something stupid about someone and we all laugh like adults at dinner. It is weird. My heart is heavy with happiness. I do not know why I feel like this.

Sophie says shush because her parents might hear. We laugh but not because it is funny but because it is scary for other people to know about what we say. It is not bad but it is not simple and others might not understand. We talk quieter now. We swing less now. We turn the music down. We all know it is because we are scared but we will not say that. 

Sophie says look at the moon and so we do. It is very big and beautiful and bright like normal. Except this time it is different because we all look. We talk about the moon for a while until we have talked about it so much that we are all out of words. 

Now things change. I am still not sure why. Maybe it was a spell or a curse or some other thing that makes things change. I suspect now that it was the moon talk that did it because that is what the psychics and articles and the internet tells me. I believe that must be true because I cannot find another answer. We are still swinging but the music on the speaker that works well starts to become a lavender color and I lose it somewhere in the haze. Now it is very cold and we are starting to swing less which means our words become more important. I say something that I probably should not have said. Uh oh. It is too late to go back now, I say to myself and keep talking. There is not much silence this time. They say me too and I feel less alone now. It is something that we needed to say and now it feels better. Eva says that she is scared and I say I am too and so does Sophie. We are all scared and we all feel sorry and we all want to help but we are young and don’t know how. So instead of helping we just keep talking. 

Now we joke because it is hard being important. We have stopped swinging, which is good because it is cold and the wind makes everything feel too fast. I am twisting in my seat because it is too much effort to swing but my stomach is telling me to move. After a while I feel better but it is hard. It is weird because we have never felt important like this. We look at the ground a lot. There is no moon in the ground that we can talk about. So we do not talk at all. It sprinkles. Then it rains. Then it pours. Then we grab the bluetooth speaker that works a little less well now and take it inside but we leave the moon talk and the importance outside because it is too hard to bring it inside with us. It is nice to not have to swing anymore.